Have you ever had your “parenthood” questioned by someone?

How about by your own kid?

One time in 2012, I told Jonny (about 4yo) that it was time to leave the play area of the mall. He informed me that “he didn’t want to go.”

I pulled the classic parenting maneuver and informed him that “daddy is leaving, then.”

Never missing a beat, Jonny instinctively lays on the guilt trip and comes back with “But, I’m your family.” (Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten – Lilo & Stitch)

Indeed he was correct, we are all family. But, unwilling to concede his point, I picked him up and told him, we were all leaving as a family, and that it was time to go.

After briefly protesting, Jonny pondered for a bit, and then threw THE BIGGEST MOTHER OF ALL TANTRUMS screaming and flailing as I was carrying him like a sack-o-potatoes over my shoulder.

He was screaming “I’M NOT YOUR FAMILY!! I’M NOT YOUR FAMILY!!”

You see, in Jonny’s mind, he would rather daddy just leave him there to play, even if it meant not being in the family.

But to everyone else… well…Jonny doesn’t even “look” like me.

So, I tried to hurry as fast as I could carrying him kicking and screaming through the mall back to my car. And of course, going faster didn’t help the situation at all as I must have been the exact image of a kidnapper all parents warn their kids about.

So Jonny’s ingenious plan to remain at the mall play area was actually gaining traction.

We had to walk nearly a quarter-mile through the mall, through another store and into the parking lot.

Jonny SCREAMING about “I’m not his family.”

Huh. Boy.

I sure got some looks as I tried to reassure the general population at the mall that yes, he was indeed my son and please “no need to call the cops”…

One gal almost tried to stop me as I got to the door. Did she call the cops?

I will never know.

Cuz I was GONE. Hopefully she didn’t get my license plate. 😬

In the end, I got him to the car and Jonny was asleep in about 5 minutes. No cops came. Crisis averted for the time being.

sigh

Well played kid, well played.

…but Daddy still won.

Original Facebook Post.