Okay Disney Pixar, we need to talk.
Today you released a new Toy Story Short on Disney+.
First of all, let me say this. Thank you for the quality content.
My older son was so excited he made sure my Ausome 7-year-old started watching it first thing this morning before school…
The kid loves all things Toy Story right now.
And so, to forestall the meltdown of said Ausome kiddo from turning his new show off, we were 20 minutes late to do school.
🙄
Of course, this is not your fault at all.
So what is the issue?
Let me think. Hmm.
Sometime around Halloween last year, I found dozens of toys and action figures all stuffed into the furnace vents all around the house.
Why, you ask, were there toys infiltrating the ductwork of my house in every vent accessible to oh… say… an Ausome 7-year-old?
“Oh I know Dad,” says the older boy.
“That’s what the toys have to do to escape the bad guy in the Halloween Toy Story Short.”
🤨
So…
The “toys” in my furnace ducts are “escaping.”
See what happened there Disney?
My son had no idea the vent covers even lifted up. And Now Combat Carl and his merry band of thieves and henchmen are all piling into the mini-crawl spaces throughout my house.
You know, the ones bringing heat to my whole house in the middle of FREAKING WINTER??
No big deal right? You can just take the toys out. Just let the kiddo know that toys in real life don’t belong in the FREAKING FURNACE VENTS.
DO YOU KNOW MY SON???
NOW things can go in the vents. That’s like … a skill he has now learned (thanks to you).
Bouncy balls. Paper clips. Apple cores. The freaking Mail…
All “escaping!” (“Be freee!!!”)
😒😒😒
And that’s just the beginning.
Because let me tell you about the Toy Story short you released last summer called “Partysaurus Rex.”
Yeah. You know the one.
The one where Rex is mocked for being a responsible “stick-in-the-mud” and so decides to become the “partysaurus” at bath time?
The “partysaurus” who doesn’t worry about rules? The one who turns the shower on with the shower curtain wide open? The one who uses an entire bottle of bubble bath in one bath and then overflows the tub?
(You know where this is going.)
You see, we recently turned our garage into a sensory room for our Ausome kiddo. The whole she-bang.
Colored flashing lights. Sound-triggered laser party lights. A fog machine… and a flat-screen tv just to play freaking PARTY-SAURUS REX and turn it into a virtual Ausome Kiddo dance club.
Except during our first “dance party,” Ausome kiddo decided to run into the nearest bathroom, turn the water on, BLOCK THE DRAIN (because, he too, is no “stick-in-the-mud”), shut the door behind him, and walk away to dance the night away with us.
Because when you are a “partysaurus,” you can’t just have a dance party…. you have to flood the bathroom while you do it.
Because THAT is what “Partysaurus Rex” does.
🤬
So When we finished the dance party, we walked back in to 5 inches of standing water in our bathroom and the entire ground-level FLOODED.
FIVE INCHES OF WATER, DISNEY!!!
🤬🤬🤬🤬
Freaking mmmmfffgtrrrrhdjdbrjfb!!!
We have since remedied that problem (you can no longer stop the drains in our downstairs bathroom)…
We have been relatively free of Disney-related incidents lately but then…
…you had to come out with another short today, didn’t you, Disney?
DIDN’T YOU!!??
And I wasn’t watching it that closely ( it’s got some dinosaurs in it or something), but the only part I saw at the end, was when Mr. Dino-action-figure wins the day by TURNING OFF A POWER STRIP.
😒🤬😩
DISNEY, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY IMPORTANT ELECTRONIC, SANITY-SAVING DEVICES IN OUR HOUSE ARE CONNECTED TO A POWER STRIP?
😒😒😒
Do you know how important it is that the power continues to flow to these power strips?
DO YOU KNOW MY SON????
😩😩😭😭😭
Lap tops, tablets, and phones need to charge.
There could be a dire emergency in this house that can only be fixed by “power flowing to ALL our power strips.”
Because if I go to get my phone that I thought was charging all night and it’s dead… or if my son is having a meltdown, and I’m trying to calm him with his tablet plugged into the power strip only to find that it’s dead…
…
If that happens…
…I will be coming for you, Disney.
I will be coming and I will be turning on all your bathtubs, filling them all with entire bottles of bubble bath, clogging the drain, and walking away…
I will be stuffing all your furnace vents with little action figures, toys, apple cores, balls and your freaking mail right before I come to switch off all your FRIGGIN POWER STRIPS!!!
By Zerg, I will do it!
Hope your computers are all backed up.
😒
…and Happy New Year.
😁👍