So it’s been a while since I’ve given you any kind of real updates.
Yes. we’re still here.
We have seen some amazing progress with Jonah developmentally in some areas.
But in other areas, regression…
Frankly, Quarantine has wreaked havoc on our routine.
You see, home has always been Jonah’s (my Ausome 6-year-old) “safe space.”
“Work” was done at school. And home is where he went to decompress from school.
As is the case for a lot of us.
And just before quarantine, Jonah was having severe anxieties about going to school.
…Refusing to get dressed. Refusing to get shoes on… Refusing to let his brother come downstairs in the morning (because it would mean he was getting ready for school)…
So when we had just a “few weeks off…” due to COVID, it was a welcome reprieve.
At first, Jonah took to school at home pretty well. It was a new novelty. Some days, we would work at home. Some days, We would go to my parents house to work…. just to get out of the house.
Then he would get to play over there all afternoon. It was great.
But “a few weeks” in March turned into “the rest of the school year.”
Jonah’s interest in “school at home” started to wane.
And then we started to “zoom” with his class.
At first, again, it was a novelty. But by the second session, Jonah was pretty ‘over’ Zoom.
We didn’t do every zoom session with his class and I never made him “stay” to watch the ones we did.
Sometimes, I’d just have it on and follow him around with the lap top to give him the chance to be included if he wanted.
Sometimes he would participate, but mostly he’d tune in with half an ear.
But, after a few weeks, Jonah started associating his “school” routine with “home.”
All his teachers and peers and specialists could appear on the computer screen at any time and ask him to be part of “their world” for a little bit.
And going to my parents house went from “a fun place,” to a “suspect place,” because at any given time, he could have a zoom meeting with his class, even over there.
And Jonah also realized the schoolwork we were doing at home or at my parents, was the same work he would do at school…
And we started to see “school anxieties” become “home anxieties.”
Except NOW, he had nowhere to get away from the anxieties.
No “safe space.”
“Home” is no longer a “safe space” when “work” invades it.
So Jonah’s anxieties have piqued in the last several weeks.
Jonah will no-longer tolerate me working at home on my computer. He will scream at me “Daddy get you!” (Daddy come tickle me) over and over again Just to get me away from it.
He may not actually want me to “get him.” He just wants me away from my computer.
…because that is where school Zoom conferences start.
So I’m no longer able to effectively able to work from home without help.
A bigger part of it is that he now screams at me “DADDY GET YOU!!” ALL. THE. TIME.
And at first, I thought he was starved for attention, or that he just needs the reassurance a little bit more right now when things are so “off.”
And that may be a part of it…
But the more I think about it, it makes more sense.
If I am playing “Daddy get you,” then he is controlling our time together and we are definitely not doing “school work.”
So if I am working on my computer… “DADDY GET YOU!”
If I am talking on the phone to anyone, to Jonah, it MIGHT be with one of his teachers… so Jonah will scream at me when I’m talking to ANYONE on the phone.
Driving anywhere has turned into a nightmare. Jonah’s anxieties have become a routine when we travel now.
Jonah gets anxious if any cars are behind us and also every time we stop.
If he’s only a little bit anxious, he will repeat “all done cars,” over and over again.
If Jonny is with us…
Jonny will scream at Jonah to please not yell because Jonny also has sensory issues, which in turn of course, makes Jonah scream all the louder. And makes Jonny cry louder.
Sometimes the boys won’t even last 2 minutes in the car.
And Now Jonny will immediately start getting anxious and start crying before he even gets in the car with Jonah.
So lately, we’ve resorted to taking two different vehicles to transport the boys anywhere.
Last time I went to my parents house, my mom drove over to pick up Jonny and I drove Jonah.
I’ve tried a lot of different things with Jonah to break the anxiety, but I think what he needs is to just associate going “places” with positive things again. Going swimming. Playing on the playground. Going to church. Going to the zoo. Going to McDonalds to play. Going to the children’s museum…
If I can get Jonah to look forward to being in the car again, I think the aversion to cars following us will work itself out.
I’ve tried taking him to a few places we are able to go and have had mixed results.
I think when the world gets back to normal, our routine can get back to normal, and the anxieties over school and at home will start to fade.
But if this continues into next school year, this could be rough…
Real rough.
Here’s to hoping we can find a good solution to all this by then!