As a parent, having to mask frustrations, anxiety and negative emotions, because my Ausome son needs “daddy is happy” in order to successfully navigate his own emotional state can sometimes be difficult. But it is a sacrifice I am willing and able to make.
Asking my other neurodivergent child to ALSO mask all his negative emotions and “pretend to be happy” is a tough ask…
But when one ND child’s anxiety is triggered by the anxiety of those around him, and his ND brother becomes anxious because his tablet went down to 99% from 100% even though it’s plugged in, how do you respond?
If neither of them mask, both their anxieties will feed off each other and there will be dual meltdowns.
I can’t ask my youngest son to mask his emotional response to his tablet because at this point in his development, he is not able to do so.
Separation isn’t always possible because many times, this happens in places like the car, or out and about when I need to keep an eye on BOTH my kids.
However…
If the tablet goes down to 99% but brother and daddy LOOK like they are “happy”…
…the anxiety will abate much quicker than if the tablet goes down to “99%” and daddy and brother are “frustrated and anxious” (as they truly feel) by the situation.
It is so difficult as a parent to ask an ND child who needs accommodations to then MAKE accommodations because his ND brother needs them more.
But it is a skill that I believe he needs to have… (masking to accommodate)
Frankly, a skill I think all parents should have…
…because my ND child may become a parent one day,
And chances are, he will end up a parent to a child, who needs those accommodations…
…just like him.
#ausome #neurodivergent #KabukiSyndrome #Autism #severeAutism #autismdad #autismmom #autismparent