I was scrolling my FB feed when I can across a discussion by the The Wee Family about the development and use of inappropriate words by ND folks or people who are learning to speak.
Specifically the phrase “WTF.”
Most people agreed with the sentiment that “any speech” is “good speech” in this context and if it was actually USED in context, all the better.
But it reminded me of a situation I was in a few years ago.
Hang on to your hats…
So I was playing in a rec-league softball game a while back.
Some random fair-skinned guy in the stands just starts blurting out racial slurs over and over. LOUDLY.
It wasn’t directed towards anyone. He didn’t appear to be intoxicated or on drugs.
He was just sitting in the stands and every 10 seconds or so, he would just blurt out a racial slur.
People reacted how you would expect. They got uncomfortable. They got agitated. They started to confront the man.
The umpire stopped the game and told this gentleman he should leave.
So he did. He walked down the side of the field, away from the rest of the crowd, and started watching the game from a distance.
But peoples’ ears were now “tuned in” to see if this guy would keep using these awful words even though he was like 50 yards away.
And he did. About every ten seconds without fail.
People on the other team started yelling at one of their teammates. “HEY! Control your boy!”
To which that teammate responded, “HE CAN’T HELP IT! He just wanted to come to watch the game!”
To which the other player responded, “bro, he shouldn’t even be out in public.”
It was apparent to me that this guy must have Tourette’s Syndrome or something similar.
(I have since learned that this condition is known as coprolalia)
I felt so awful for so many different reasons.
First, I am a person of color. I had teammates who were people of color. There were people in the stands who were people of color and children as well.
The words this man was saying were derogatory, insulting, and offensive to so many people groups.
You can’t go around just saying things like that.
Secondly, my Ausome son likes to “script” things he hears. Like a parrot, he will repeat verbatim conversations that catch his attention, whether on a screen or in real life.
If he was at that game and picked up those words and started repeating them at school?… 😬🤬😳
But hearing the phrase “he shouldn’t be out in public” struck another nerve because I have also heard that sentiment or something similar leveled toward my son and others like him.
“If he can’t behave in public, he shouldn’t BE out in public!”
And as a parent, I don’t disagree.
So I have to practically beg “the public” to accommodate my son, because many times, he CAN’T behave appropriately. He’s thrown rocks and sticks at cars. He has had violent public meltdowns. There have been times I’ve purposefully antagonized him during a meltdown to keep his aggression focused on me and not somebody else.
But I can’t just “keep him at home” all the time. To learn social “rules,” he needs constant socialization. And that means taking him out in public. That means asking the public to make exceptions to social rules for him. That means asking for accommodations to include him, because he is deserving of inclusion, regardless of his disability.
So on one hand, I GET it. This gentleman should be able to watch his friend play softball regardless of his disability. He should not be excluded for something he cannot control.
But on the OTHER hand, I can’t let my children thinking that using these words in ANY situation is okay. ESPECIALLY, when one of my children already does not understand “social rules” and I have encouraged him that ANY verbal communication is a “good” thing.
There is definitely a lesson to be taught here, but I can see both sides of this coin.
I’m glad my kids weren’t there, because I honestly can’t decide what I would tell them.
Is there a time when the use of “racial slurs” is okay?
(I mean, imagine being a person of color and then being asked to just “let it slide.”)
Or is there a time when excluding someone specifically because of their disability is okay?
(Imagine being kicked out of a venue solely because of a disability that is completely out of your control.)
Or is there some sort of middle ground?
Thoughts?