You know what kills me?
Jonah got off the bus yesterday very intent on this paper he brought home showing his “emotions.”
“Happy,” “sleepy,” and “mad.”
He was super anxious when he couldn’t find this paper in his back pack and the relief was palpable when we located it.
He wanted me to see it.
I couldn’t read his expression or his emotion… the only thing I could tell was that whatever the emotion, it was very intense.
Lots of “grunting” and pointing.
I didn’t know if it was because he wanted me to understand what he was feeling, or if he wanted to tell me about something that happened that day, or if he just wanted to let me know that he did his work by completing his “emotion” paper.
But it was not his ordinary reaction to coming home from school.
So I texted his teacher and asked if anything “weird” had happened that day.
She told me she wasn’t at school and was out that day, but she would ask tomorrow (today).
So then I got a call home today and they told me Jonah was having a “tough time.” He was with a sub again and his usual Para wasn’t there either. They had to combine classes with another teacher.
All kinds of “fun.”
Jonah can cope with a lot of change if he has a good anchor to ground him. He has had the same teacher for three years now, and they know each other inside and out. He can handle a major routine change if he has someone there to explain it in a way he will understand, and if he knows there will be some sort of continuity to this change.
But today is the second day they have had a sub. His “anchor” has not been there and he has not had his usual support.
When Jonah got off the bus today, the bus driver relayed to me that he had another “tough day.”
And as the bus pulled away, Jonah immediately burst out into “I want ‘Daddy is happy!’”
“I want ‘Daddy tickles!’”
This is usually a response Jonah will have when he knows I either am unhappy or WILL be unhappy.
Almost like Jojo saying “whatever they told you, it wasn’t me.”
Or…
“It WAS me, and please don’t be unhappy about it. It was very difficult and I had a tough time.”
I can’t ask Jonah about his day.
He won’t respond with the events he experienced or a funny story that happened, or why the school called me.
He will respond with “I feel… [an emotion].
I’m dying to know how the last two days have been for him at school and why they have been “tough…” but Jojo can’t tell me. His teacher can’t tell me. His Para can’t tell me.
I wish I could talk to his Sub, but who knows when they will be back. In all honesty, Special Ed subs have one of the hardest teaching positions there are.
Absolutely NO rapport built with any of the students, and an expectation to connect with them and somehow get work accomplished.
Ugh. I really hope his teacher is okay and will return Monday.
School has become such a haven for Jojo and I would hate for that to change.
We will see.
