If you need a laugh….
If you need a laugh….
If you need a laugh.
I’m going to turn this into a children’s book one day.
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[January 1, 2019]
So we took our Christmas tree down yesterday after the cats absolutely DESTROYED it.
So I wrote a poem about it…
THE CAT’S CHRISTMAS REVENGE
“Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house.
This creature was stirring, but not catching a mouse.
It laid amongst presents, that were opened before.
As it thought of destruction, and chaos galore.
It sat there and plotted with hatred and glee…
The quiet demise of the whole Christmas Tree.
With its limbs and its branches and lights all a glow.
The ornaments hanging. The presents below.
The lights kept on blinking. They just wouldn’t stop.
From every tree branch to the star at the top.
And so thought the cat, with a gleam in its eyes…
Tonight is the night… that the Christmas tree dies.
It patiently waited and bided its time.
Now it was nearly a quarter to nine.
The hour was near. The people were fed.
The children were all nestled up in their bed.
The time was just right. It had to be now.
“I must do it quickly,” he thought… “quickly…but how?”
Too heavy to jump. Too lazy to climb.
The branches too small. The space too confined.
“I cannot get up there to do the deed right!
I must get myself up there! It must be tonight!”
So the cat made a plan while licking his paw…
To take the tree down without lifting a claw.
Planning and leading would work for tonight.
Doing actual work just wouldn’t be right.
So he got the young kitten to be part of his plan.
A place where the tree and the blame could all land.
He told the young kitten to scale the tree.
“The top of that thing is the place you should be.”
Everything that you see. Everything that you find.
Is yours but the star at the top there is mine.
The kitten sprang into action. You could hear a pin drop.
The cat said, “This is much more easier than I thought.”
First came the ornaments. They had to go first.
As things to die go, those things are the worst.
They fell from the branches. They would haunt him no more.
They looked so much better lifeless on the floor.
Next came the lights, with their twinkles and colors.
He chewed through the wires and broke the light covers.
The shadows all grew, where the lights had once been.
They would never entice or blink at him again.
The one thing remained that the cat wanted most.
That star on the top….was gonna be toast.
“I cannot quite reach it.” The kitten called from the tree.
I cant get the star. It’s too hard to see.
“That’s not gonna stop me,” the cat thought with a frown.
“To get to the star, the tree’s gotta come down.”
They shook it and scratched it. But it was no use.
The tree smugly stood there and took the abuse.
The cat got indignant. The cat grew upset.
The cat went clean out of its mind you can bet.
“Kitten, you listen! I don’t care what you do.
You get me that star or I’m gonna get you.”
So the kitten somehow grew as strong as can be.
and decapitated the entire top of the tree.
The cat proudly laid on the top of his “kill.”
Looking as “innocent” as cats always will.
And the cat looked on all of his mayhem and then went
And peed on the carpet and puked on a present.
And after he finished spreading his good Christmas cheer,
wished the humans “good night” and Happy New Year.”
- Jason (A Touch of Ausome)
