“I want ‘all done’ Daddy is sad!”
Jonah yelled at me, a frantic panicky expression on his face.
He stood just inside the front door. I was standing directly in front of him, up against the door blocking his exit to the front yard.
Jonah has figured out how to get outside.
My house is no-longer secure. Jonah has defeated the childproof lock, the deadbolt, and the additional lock I put on the top of the doorway out of his reach.
He can defeat all of the locks under about 15 seconds.
If he doesn’t land a job as an extreme outdoorsman, he can certainly pick a career as the “next Houdini.”
But for obvious reasons, this is a problem in the here and now.
I only have one recourse until I find an adequate doorlock.
I have to physically block the doorway at the drop of a dime at any possible time while Jonah is home.
And direct physical confrontations like this often lead to anxiety and full-blown meltdowns.
If I can redirect him, I will try. But there is not a whole lot more enticing than total and complete freedom to a boundary-pushing coco-pugs.
And when he is denied this, his reaction is usually immediate and intense, as was the case here.
He reached up quickly.
I reflexively reacted. When he gets “escalated,” it’s not uncommon for him to hit me. Even in the face.
I went to block his hand.
“NO! We touch SOFT!” I started to scold…
But instead of striking me, he poked me with his index finger.
Right in the cheek.
His eyes spoke the subconscious words his mouth would not formulate.
They seemed to say, “Don’t be upset, Daddy. You don’t need to be stern with me. Don’t frown. Be happy! SMILE!”
He used the words he had readily available to convey his emotion.
“ALL DONE ‘DADDY IS SAD!’”
(I don’t want Daddy to be ‘sad’ at me.)
You see Jonah was trying to play with me.
He wanted it to be like when he pretends to fall off the couch and yells for help, or when he climbs up on top of the bannister and yells for “help with getting down.”
He wanted Daddy to “get me!”
But this is one game Daddy does not want to play. Even pretending to sneak out and elope isn’t a scenario Daddy will entertain.
Because each time Jonah plays “this game,” it STARTS OFF as “playing,” but 20 minutes later, Jonah will be trying in earnest to get out.
He will inch his way farther and farther out the door.
He will inch his way into the drive way, onto the sidewalk, and eventually into the roadway.
He likes to go to the neighbors house to see if he can play with their dog, or just run around the neighborhood.
Sometimes he will take Mama on a “hike” of up to 8-10 miles when he is just out “going for a walk.”
He is “okay” with road safety, but sometimes he simply shuts down when we ask him to move out of the roadway or to come back inside.
He just squats down in the middle of the road and refuses to budge.
It’s not safe.
We have “had it out” in the middle of the road a couple times. I’ve had to pick him up over my shoulder while he is flailing, something I can barely do anymore, and I then have to physically carry him inside.
And that is about the point he can get physically violent. Because not only is it a loss of freedom, it is a loss of autonomy.
But sometimes there is no other way to get him to move when he needs to.
I don’t like putting him through that.
Heck. I don’t like going through it.
So it is not a chance Daddy is willing to take. Especially when the short hand on the clock hasn’t even struck 7am yet.
We are patiently waiting for the days to get shorter and the weather to turn “less desirable,” so that it is easier to redirect Jonah from playing out front before my first cup of coffee has been consumed.
Or at least until I find a doorlock that will keep Jonah in…
Because buddy,
“Daddy doesn’t want to be sad or stern. But Daddy wants to make sure you are safe when you are at home. And if it’s not time to go outside, then we need to find something else to do. And I will do everything in my power to make sure you are both SAFE, and HAPPY. “
In that order.
And as long as you are safe and happy, then “All done ‘Daddy is sad.’”