We went to our local We Rock The Spectrum today (an indoor sensory gym), and the boys were having a blast.
Jonah was having fun going down the zip line over and over and knocking down a stack of foam blocks. There weren’t very many other people there so Jonah didn’t have to wait in line for it at all.
Another family walked in, a mother and her 3 kids in tow. If I had to guess, I would say that all three of her children were between 4 and 9 and all somewhere on the autism spectrum.
As soon as she walked in, all 3 of her kids went in different directions.
As she was keeping an eye on two of them, one of the other boys came over and started playing on the zip line.
He wasn’t really using it as a “zip line.”
He was just running with it and “swinging himself” for about 10 feet or so back and forth. He kept doing this over and over.
It looked really fun!
The only problem was that Jonah was waiting his turn to use the zip line and this other boy wasn’t “doing it” like he was supposed to…
It was not part of the “zip line routine” for Jonah.
Each person is supposed to wait for a turn in line. One person is supposed to start their turn at the top of the ladder and end in the foam pit. And then they wait in line again.
I could see the anxiousness in Jonah’s face. He looked at me and pointed at the little boy who was monopolizing the apparatus.
I didn’t try to rush the other boy or redress him in any way at all. After all, this was a place especially for kiddos who may have trouble with traditional “playground rules.”
I could tell Jonah was bothered by the way the other boy was playing but I LOVED how flexible Jonah was being and how patient he was… and I made a point of telling him so.
After half a minute or so, the boys’ mother came over and told her son to “go play somewhere else.”
He didn’t want to.
This could be interesting.
I started to tell the boy’s mother that it was fine. Jonah could also play on something else. But the boys mother had already started taking the zip line away and handing it to Jonah, to the boy’s chagrin.
“Sorry,” she said “He’s non-verbal.”
“Please don’t be sorry,” I told her.
The motto of the gym painted on the wall directly behind us read, “Finally, a place where you never have to say ‘I’m sorry.’ “
I’ve been EXACTLY the same place as her.
There have been many times we avoided
going places specifically because Jonah would not wait in line.
But he has come a long way. We picked up “Line-waiting” last summer and now, he waits like a rockstar. I have no idea what “flipped the switch” regarding that milestone. I wish I could tell you.
But this boy wasn’t quite there yet, and didn’t want to wait for a turn.
His mom threatened to take him home right then if he didn’t heed her. I had a feeling she said it more for MY benefit than his. (Assuring me that she would have consequences for her ‘misbehaving son.’)
I KNOW how Jonah would react if I said that to him and it wouldn’t be pretty if I actually followed through with it.
I guess, Sometimes, as parents we are so used to being judged by the behavior of our kids that we feel we have to preemptively reassure everyone that we aren’t just “letting the behavior go…”
Even if that is EXACTLY what we are doing.
Hey. I’ve been there. Sometimes even “bad behavior” can be a victory when it may have been “WORSE behavior” before.
Who knows what “progress” looks like for someone else.
She kept apologizing and telling me how many years of therapy they had been doing with him…
I really REALLY wanted her to know not to even worry about it.
And I want to give the boy a lot of credit because even though, he didn’t wait in line, he let Jonah go down the zip line without getting upset about it. Jonah kind of just swung right over the top of him.
Jonah was happy. The boy was happy.
He went back to playing with the zip line his way.
And then, Jonah decided to play on something else all on his own. I didn’t even have to redirect him.
We were able to make it through the entire visit without any of the kids getting ‘upset,’ even when using the same apparatus. We made it work.
It’s so hard to see other parents apologizing for the behavior of their kids when I know they are doing the best they can.
I want to assure them that they are doing great, even if they don’t feel like it…
Or at least let them know that I won’t judge them because of their kids’ behavior, because…
“Hey. I get it.”
#Ausome