Back before Jonah was diagnosed, I was discussing the possibility of autism with someone and they said, “well, if anything, he’s most likely ‘high-functioning.”
It was said to make me “feel better,” and at the time, I had no idea what that even meant.
I didn’t know about functioning labels. I didn’t know about any diagnostic criteria. I knew NOTHING about autism.
When we went to get him diagnosed, they gave Jonah a “severity rating” of “Level 3,” which is “the most severe” rating they could assign—“Requiring VERY substantial support.”
And it made me think back to the encounter where someone told me that Jonah was most likely “high-functioning” to make me feel better.
Like they were hoping that “if it’s autism, let’s hope for the ‘good kind.’ Maybe level one or at the WORST, level two…”
And then it wasn’t the “good kind…”
He was SEVERE. Level three.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked around in a daze for a while.
And over the next several weeks, I grew despondent and depressed.
I began to look up the worst-case scenarios with autism and would just sit and wonder… “how long until that was us?”
I got angry and bitter.
My perspective of my son changed because of the opinion of a “medical professional” who got to see about 3 hours of Jonah’s life.
And it went from “my son Jonah,” to “my level 3 SEVERELY autistic son, Jonah.”
I could have stayed in that place. I could have wallowed there for a LONG time.
It took a good long while and a kick in the pants from my wife for me to “get past that.”
How did I get past it?
When I realized that my attitude toward my child was effecting EVERYONE around me, INCLUDING my children, THAT was an eye-opener for me.
I realized that I was subconsciously assigning value to my child based on a “severity rating” given to us by a stranger.
Hoping for “high functioning…”
Hoping for “less support required…”
Hoping for “NOT autistic…”
My child HAD NOT CHANGED before or after he was diagnosed.
It was my perspective that had changed about my child, because of this stranger’s opinion.
And it left me ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED with myself.
I needed a paradigm shift.
It was about that time I saw the word “Ausome” and immediately embraced it.
I love my child. I value my child. Every part of him.
That same beautiful mind that finds so much joy and wonder in the little things in life, is the same beautiful mind that struggles with self-regulation and routine-breaking and has 3-hour screaming meltdowns and all of that.
The same child that can meticulously set up a complex pyramid of building blocks is the same child who struggles to speak a single word.
It is all from the SAME BEAUTIFUL MIND.
And that is my beautiful child.
I chose to embrace ALL of my child…. the good, the bad, and whatever in between.
And if that included “level umpteen trillion autism,” then so be it.
He is my child.
He’s not my “level 3 SEVERELY autistic” child…
He’s freaking AUSOME!
And I don’t CARE about his “severity rating” or the “level of support” he requires.
That is not where his value is derived from anyways.
I will love him unconditionally and get him WHATEVER support he needs to be successful in life.
His value is not based off of some “severity rating.”
I value my child simply because he is valuable.
#Ausome