I try not to think of the “distant future” too often.
It triggers my anxiety and it simply gets overwhelming thinking about the “what if’s” of tomorrow.
But today, I was just out jogging and my mind just sort of “went there.” And for today’s ‘worry of the day,’ my brain has brought you this thought…
“My children as parents.”
Can I just say, that thought alone absolutely terrifies me? A dependent depending on MY DEPENDENTS to live??
It is simply not within the realm of possibilities right now. Of course my kids are still “kids,” but that won’t always be the case.
And if “genetics” have anything to do with this whole ‘autism’ business,’ there would be a strong chance that their kids would also be autistic…
huh…
How do I teach my kids how to parent a child/children like ‘them?’
huh….
(minutes pass.)
…
(an hour passes).
…
I guess you could ask that about any parent/child relationship… My children may not choose to be parents… but parenthood is also not always a choice either.
I don’t have any special wisdom here, except they still have years to develop and mature… and I really DON’T know what the future holds. My kids have continually surprised me with what they can accomplish when they put their minds to it.
But, at the same time, while I am busy ignoring the distant future, I am unknowingly teaching my kids how to be parents. And not ‘special needs’ parents… I am simply modeling PARENTHOOD. They really don’t KNOW what “typical” parenting even looks like. They only know our AUSOME life.
And as we go through all the adversity, I am modeling how to handle that adversity as a parent.
I hope I am doing a good job.
Because one day, they may have to handle it. And Oh LORD… I hope they are ready.
because if they’re not…
(…and I’m stopping this train of thought right there and tucking it away).
Welp.
That’s my one worry I am allowing myself for today. (You know, for something that may not ever come to pass that I cannot change one iota with worry)…
Back to today.
Back to just making today better than yesterday by focusing on one small victory at a time.
Jonny did all his homework BEFORE school today! Jonah is back to taking baths again!
Yay!
Today is a good day.
Today we’ve had victories.
Today, I don’t need to worry…
Especially not about ‘what kind of parents my kids will make in the distant future.’ Gah.