It’s almost 2am (Pacific Standard Time) currently.
Am I the only one NOT sleeping when I should be?
I just can’t sleep. Honestly, it doesn’t have anything to do with autism (well maybe not ALL to do with it).
Actually, since Annie went missing, we let Russell sleep in our bed with us so he wouldn’t be alone… And he started scratching on the wall around midnight… and then we remembered why we made him sleep in the garage.
I haven’t been able to fall back asleep.
So here I am. In the middle of the night… with no good reason to be awake… and not able to sleep.
My brain is just “turned on.” I start worrying. I think that’s what fatigues me the most… more than the late hours or lack of sleep.
Worry…
It’s weird. “Autism” has become so ‘standard’ in our household, being tired is just a new normal.
But this time, there is a lot going on in our lives including things related to autism.
So I am up at 2am… worrying. Restless. Unable to turn my mind off.
I’ll probably start nodding off around 4am, and Jojo will probably wander in and kick me awake again.
But man, I need to get some sleep… because come daytime, this time, right now is all I will want again…
(From H2Au: the stuff of our life)