So this is today summed up.
An entire package of napkins thrown to the sky strewn about the kitchen.
Kitchen Drawers he will not allow to be closed. Towels strewn about the house. He won’t let laundry baskets remain upright and will remake folded laundry into a pile to jump in.
A Disney castle is our permanent dining table setting.
His room? Hah! Toys and clutter everywhere. His blinds are a mess. His dresser drawers are busted from him climbing in them. He grabs plates of food and runs upstairs to eat it (only he doesn’t eat it – who knows where the food actually goes?)
You can’t find his bed sheets.
There are a hundred matchbox cars piled in front of my bedroom door.
… the kid leaves a trail of ransacked mess everywhere he goes. And he does it with a smile.
- looks at everything I just wrote*
Wow. I’m tired today.
More than usual.
I can tell. I just get “cranky.”
I’m sure a lot of good things happened today. If I take the time to think about it, I could probably find some victories to share…
But I’m tired. And when I get tired, I just see all the stuff I’m too tired to do (but need to do…like cleaning) and since I’m too tired to do anything, I start to complain about it.
Messes seem “messier.” Kids seem “whinier.”
And I get grumpy.
I recognize this about myself and I don’t like it.
I am short with my kids and family when I’m tired. I don’t pay as close of attention to parenting things as I should and I find I get annoyed by very innocent questions.
Productivity and positivity goes out the window.
I lose my sense of humor and I spot every little fault in EVERYTHING (including myself) whether I verbalize it or not.
I’m sitting here on the floor in Jonah’s room, waiting for him to fall asleep. Guarding the door so he doesn’t get up and escape… just sitting here thinking about all the stuff I didn’t do yet. That I haven’t done. Chores… Responsibilities… All the ways I am somehow inadequate in one way or another.
When I’m rested I still see the problems, but I have the energy to separate and address them one at a time. I can come up with a plan of attack. But now? Forget it.
While I’ve been writing, I see that now Jojo has fallen asleep… and when I take into account the scope of all the problems to address I have amassed in my head, I’m realizing the most productive thing I could do right now is to just go to sleep myself.
So Good night.